FRIDAY 31MARCH
Medical appointment at
Durham Obstetrics and Gynecology revealed cervix to be 50% effaced and undilated with openning positioned towards spine. Started carrying a powder pink bath matt around with me. Typically, a woman's water breaks in the middle stages of labor after contractions start. But about 10-20% of the time, it happens earlier and I didn't want to leave a mess in a public place or in the new car.
SUNDAY 8APRIL
Cleaned like crazy since Robert's family would be coming over to celebrate Easter. They had planned a get-together at Eno Park but the temperature was unseasonably cold. After everyone left at 7PM, started having a bloody show, followed by mild menstrual cramps. This development remained in the background of the primary source of entertainment - a televised story of the re-release of a baby otter by an Australian animal lover.
MONDAY 9APRIL
Cramps turned into mild, irregular contractions that were easy to talk through in the wee hours of the morning Monday, but nonetheless awoke me and contributed to an urge to stretch out on my back. Told Robert I might have the baby sometime in the next 48 hours.
Feeling anticipation of the looming labor, couldn't go back to sleep so got up early and packed bags for the hospital using a checklist I'd prepared one month prior. I packed my camara and it's spare battery, laptop and chord, toiletries, clothes for me, Robert, and baby, and some guides on labor and delivery. There were three bags, one for each of us, and stored them in the trunk of the Camry.
Spent some time on the internet reviewing signs of early labor. Did some random last-minute chores to prepare for being away from work. Didn't really worry about the possibility of such nocturnal excitement leading to sleep deprivation.
Called parents around 7:30 AM and announced symptoms had begun. Robert called his family as well. Everyone seemed excited and wanted to be kept informed.
Medical appointment at 9:30 AM revealed cervix was 75% effaced and 1.5 cm dilated with the cervical openning still positioned towards spine. Contractions went away and became sparse while at work, but returned and gained strength on returning home. They remained irregular.
TUESDAY 10APRIL Another early morning due to stronger contractions and another full day at work since they were not regular and disappeared upon sitting down at my desk. On returning home, the contractions returned and gained more strength, but certainly did not seem strong enough to pause speech.
WEDNESDAY 11APRIL At 2:30AM, paged Doctor on-call.
Dr. Cole answered, a Harvard grad. Told her my contractions were 8-20 minutes apart, but that I was not in great enough pain to huff and puff through them, but they had awoken me. She told me to stay home until I was "sucking air" through the contractions. Went back to bed, but could not sleep.
Went to work at 9AM and left at 10:45AM for another checkup. Cervix was 90% effaced, but only dilated 1cm. Gains had been made in position of the cervical openning towards the front, however. Called parents and told them I was NOT in labor, and advised not to come down any time soon. Little did I know, however, that Dad knew the baby would make up her mind and greet the world after a few days of shyness. They secretly departed from Charleston a few hours after my call.
Returned to work and reported to friends I was in "false (prodromal) labor". Felt embarrassed that I might appear to be a hypochondriac. Contractions came every now and then and one was quite strong during the day, such that I had to resist the urge to grunt or pause my speech. Had strange desire to pack my stuff and get things wrapped up at work that evenning. Stayed 30 minutes late. On leaving, coworker Wanda offered to help carry out the armload of personal items towering in my arms. I didn't want someone sitting in my chair over the next weeks looking at a bunch of personal paraphanalia. She told me the baby was on it's way because it was clear I was "nesting" (getting everything in order). Her estimate - the next 24 hours!
Checked voicemail and learned my parents were on their way. They left me a message that got cut off during their journey through Big Walker Tunnel in Virginia. I stopped breathing momentarily after learning they would be in Durham later that night! I had no idea they were on their way - my contractions immediately returned, more powerful than ever. I had no problems driving through them, however.
Contractions occurred regularly almost every 10 minutes from that point on (6:30 PM). Went shopping for the next three hours. Wanted to get some food for my parents, cat litter, and collect mail from the post office. I remember having a contraction in Costco that kept me in a standstill. Drug a cat tower around Petsmart and placed it in the back seat with some help. Figured the cats would want to be high in their towers when the "invader" arrived. Picked up six heavy bags of cat litter at Wal-mart and carried them through the house into the garage. Put the grocieries and laundry away and then, sat down to watch the recording of an American Idol Vote-off show. It had been dark for over an hour.
Robert was still working in Rougemont and arrived just before my mom and dad at 10:30 PM. My contractions were coming every 8 minutes and were strong enough that I couldn't really sit through them. I replayed the the Vote-off show since I wanted everyone to see an awesome performance by J-Lo (Jennifer Lopez). Then we watched a Dancing with the Stars show recorded the previous evenning. We had alot of fun and it was exciting to think that the contractions were no longer sporadic.
I got up several times and walked into the other room to manage them. Something about pain, it just feels appropriate to process it in private sometimes. I had heard contractions started in a woman's back and then, moved forward. Mine started at my pubic bone and moved up and around such that there was a sudden initial urge to stand and arch my back, and then, lean forward over my knees. I would lean over my furniture to get through the contraction, some 40 seconds long. It was like someone was tying my muscles together like show laces and I remember even feeling tension in my hip abductors It felt good to pound the pinky- and/or thumb-sides of my fists against the sides of my hips rhythmically.
Over the next hours and a half, my mom began timing the contractions. She was a big help! My dad went to bed, announcing that he suspected the baby would be born sometime Thursday or Friday, no pressure. I wasn't sure what anybody thought, but somehow the frequency and intensity of contractions didn't slow down so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I recall feeling very excited and happy that my parents had made it in time!
THURSDAY 12APRIL
LABOR AT HOME:
The contractions were never regular, but by 1AM, they were occurring every 3.5-6.5 minutes and not real painful. I dialed the on-call service at 1:30AM and was so happy when Dr. Duncan returned my call. He was my gynecologist and I had good rapport with him. The contractions were still somehwat irregular and I was so calm that I didn’t get the feeling from Dr. Duncan that I should be rushing off to the hospital. I asked him for some endpoints and he agreed that I should stay home until the contractions were regular and about three minutes apart. He advised me to take a warm bath and hydrate.
Mom and Robert went to bed around 1:45 AM and I went to the bathroom and took my warm bath. I noticed quite of bit of clear mucous on wiping and after taking my bath, there was quite a bit more. I was frankly surprised by the amount.
The bath didn’t ease the contractions; by the time I dressed for bed, I realized there was no way I could lie down. The contractions had become really uncomfortable and were occurring over shorter intervals. I began feeling really anxious and not wanting to wake anyone up. I kind of whimpered to myself over the odd possibility that it might be psychosomatic. I kept my stopwatch in hand and kept a mental note of the interval between contractions (every 2-4 minutes).
It really frustrated me to think that I might be imagining it all and that I could arrive at the hospital only to be sent back home. After pacing back and forth between the bed and bathroom, I told Robert (who was snoring loudly as he was really, really, really exhausted) that we needed to go. He said Ok and fell back to sleep. I let him through 2-3 more contractions and then, asserted again, we need to go.
Mind you, for the last two to three days, I was losing my mucous plug. It appeared as a clear mucousy membrane and tended to follow long periods of contractions. I lost quite a bit during the early hours of the 12th. Point is, I didn’t know whether it would be best to stay home or go to the hospital so I really didn’t urge Robert as hard as I could to get up. I let some more time pass.
At about 3AM, I told Robert we had to go NOW. He snored a bit through my warning and I asserted myself again twice and then, got irritated and said, COME ON LET'S GO!!! I guess by that time, I knew we had to leave and he could hear it in my voice. But I’m glad we didn’t leave earlier in retrospect.
Nervous about what to expect and simultaneously utterly frustrated with the possibility that the contractions might just stop any moment, I felt anxious and consequently remained speechless. I didn't think I could drive because the pain made me too stiff and distracted me too much, but my backseat driving urges were in full-swing even though I wasn’t so motivated to verbalize my irritation over Robert taking the scenic route. In all fairness, we were both exhausted from lack of sleep the nights before.
Like I said, I had packed all my bags Monday morning and placed them in the trunk of the car. But by the time we got to the hospital (five minutes away), I was on the verge of tears, and only wanted my insurance card. I just wanted to get in there into what I perceived to be a realm of safety and assurance. On walking towards the entrance, I stopped in the parking lot, hugged Robert and started to half-cry. By the end of the hug, I could feel a warm trickle down my leg. It was my water breaking. I actually thought I might be urinating myself as I recalled childhood memories of losing control of my bladder when frightened. It was only a few tablespoons though and didn't even make it to my sock.
LABOR AT DURHAM REGIONAL:
We entered the ER at about 4AM and walked passed a couple of nurses who directed us to the Admissions Coordinator. He wanted to put me in a wheelchair but I begged him to let me walk - I couldn't sit down - it didn't feel right (physically). When we got to the room, I took off my clothes, peed, and told Robert that there was quite a bit of bright red blood. I was alarmed, but the nurses reassured both of us that it was normal, and that my water had broken.
Robert was taking care of the admissions paperwork in the hallway when I got hooked up to the monitor, and every 2-3 minutes, I had a contraction. It was apparent on the screen --- I felt so much relief knowing I wasn't imagining them. I felt really unsure of myself, but the nurses told me I was doing really well. I was so confused by the heavy rectal pressure that I asked them repeatedly if that was normal and they assured me it was.
I didn't mind the hospital garb, a thin, blue and white gown with ties on one side. I was just happy my backside was not exposed. My hair was pulled back in a pony tail which was pretty much status quo for me. In my birth plan, I had positively reflected on the idea of a shower or a bath, but I just wanted to stand in the birthing room and wobble back and forth.
The nurse asked me to lie on the bed so she could assess my cervical status. I just couldn't - I tried, but I couldn't. I needed to stand but the pelvic exam would give some good information. I managed to lie down and was relieved to be 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced. At the same time, I had hoped I’d be a bit more dilated on admission. We were told to expect an hour for each cm --- in other words, we might not have the baby until like 10:30AM (6 MORE HOURS)! Neither of us were thrilled.
I was offered pain medication. The nurse told me it might help me relax. I was compelled to decline, but since I was in a fight-or-flight mode with several hours to go before delivery, the idea became tempting. I asked about the types of pain medication and the potential impact on the baby. They suggested Stadol (a narcotic that would wear off in about two hours and would help both mom and baby sleep) and an epidural. I looked at Robert. I knew I was betraying my wishes when I asked what he thought because in asking him for permission, I enacted a push-back dialog we had rehearsed a few times. We didn’t want to use pain medication, so Robert was reluctant to respond.
I went with the Stadol and it helped me stay reclined which thereby enabled me to sleep between contractions. We would decide on the epidural later but both really wanted to avoid it, especially after the nurses informed that it wouldn’t really help with the rectal pressure. Since we didn't refuse it, I had to have an IV access established.
Robert took off to the vending machine, only to come back from a twenty minute trek to McDonald's. I was amused. He ate and pulled out a book. I wasn’t talking much and it seemed I was either alternating glances between the wall clock and the stomach monitor or just lying there with my eyes shut. I didn't fall asleep but I was able to relax. The contractions were painful but not quite as disturbing.
I asked Robert to call my mom and dad at about 5AM. They needed their rest too so we hadn’t encouraged them to come along earlier. They arrived at about 5:30 AM. I remember feeling so excited when Robert made the call, knowing they would soon be there to cheer me on. They brought a camara and a ton of love and physical carressing. I was so glad they were there!
Dr. Duncan finally arrived at 6:15 AM. As he was doing the pelvic exam, I told him how happy I was that he was delivering the baby because I knew he was a terrific doctor. He appreciated the feedback and announced I was dilated 6 cm. He offered an epidural and I. Robert pushed back as I had asked him to. Robert was interrupted and informed that I was entering the Transition Phase, certainly an intense stage of labor. Dr. Duncan said that if I wanted the epidural, I should get it. Robert was just trying to discourage me from doing something I didn't want to do.
After he left the room, I fell into a state of "coping consciousness" that permitted me to hear the conversations around the room without partaking in them. I remember thinking that it was taking the pharmacy a long time to get the epidural to me. My parents kept attempting to engage me in conversation and I just asked that they talk to each other. I loved hearing them, but could not respond. My dad kept commenting on the baby's heartrate, saying how healthy it looked and expressing pride in the fact that I'd done a marathon during the pregnancy. He is a proud father and was showing the signs of being a proud grandfather as well!
When I accepted the offer for the epidural, Robert and my mother took a brief visit to the hospital cafeteria. I recall Robert informing my mom that the epidural would prolong the labor process and that we were told we wouldn't likely deliver until 10:30 AM based on news we had heard on admission. And based on Dr. Duncan's exam, we were right on track with the 1 cm/hour prediction.
It seemed like I had a few tough contractions and that the twosome was only gone for a few minutes when I announced to my dad, who had stayed behind with me, I NEED A NURSE - I CANNOT RESIST THE URGE TO PUSH - I HAVE TO PUSH!!! That happened between 7-7:15AM, and I still hadn't gotten the epidrual. I remember my dad didn't ask any questions and that I just wanted to make clear to him that all of a sudden, I felt ready to take an active role in delivering the baby. My dad left the room to get a nurse.
The nurses were in shift transition and I think my dad had to interrupt them during their handoff meeting. A new nurse named Cindy entered the room and I swear the whole room lit up. She took my dad seriously and did quick pelvic exam. I was 9CM! Cindy reorganized the room and adjusted the bed, announcing I'd be delivering the baby in the next hour! I remember asking her to CANCEL THE EPIDURAL - I DIDN'T WANT IT! I was so happy I didn't receive it!
Cindy told me to avoid pushing for now to prevent ripping my cervix. I would only have to hold back for about a half-hour she said. She encouraged me to get up, take all the wires off me and empty my bladder while she called the doctor. I did. I was in the bathroom when Robert walked in with my mom. On hearing the news, Robert became excited and that made me happy.
I returned to the bed and struggled with the temptation to push. My dad told me to squeeze his hand as hard as I could. It was so hard not to push that squeezing his hand actually gave me a sense of control. It was one of the hardest things I've tried not to do. Robert got on the other side of th bed and offered his hand and then, complained that I hurt his hand squeezing it as hard as I had.
Cindy kept telling me how great I was doing and it really made me feel wonderful! She called the doctor in again when I was 10 cm. That's when I could begin pushing. She put a mirror at the front right of the bed so that I could see any progress that occurred. Cindy coached me through most of it, but the Doctor Duncan was present also. The baby crowned and I was told to refrain from pushing any further and to just hold tight. It was hard holding tight because I could feel the head slipping back up into my body.
I was surprized by how fast it was all happening, but I remember it seemed to take a while for Dr. Duncan to gown up and prepare himself to do the delivery. I remember telling him to hurry up and and then, thinking how uninhibited I had become and how it may have sounded rude.
He applied some topical substance around my perinium that burned like crazy. I remember telling him all about it, too. It dawned on me that obstetricians must learn to take a lot of abuse from mothers because I wasn't able to hold back the comments. But I tried to be generous with kind comments as well.
Both Dr. Duncan and Cindy kept telling me pushpushpushpush through the contraction, breathe between the contractions, and pushpushpushpushpush through the next contraction, such that by the end of each contraction, I was totally wiped out. It was the hardest thing I've ever tried to do to get the baby out.
I was under the impression that the baby might be in less distress if she spent less time in the birth canal, but the doctor was a little surprised by my concern and reassured me she was just fine. I pushed so hard, vessels popped in my face in about four places (no big deal) and I did feel like I was going to pass out if I pushed any harder at one point, but like I said, it did feel so much better to push. My mom was swabbing my face with a cold compress because it was bright, bright red. I was really glad she did because it felt terrific.
They stroked my ego by telling me I was a pro - the "pusher of the week", in fact. Dr. Duncan even claimed taller women were able to push better and while we all inquired about the logic behind that phenomenon, we didn't really arrive at an answer. My mom and dad were so proud... and Robert pulled up a seat and announced, "Wow, I can see it, just keep pushing." I found Robert's comments reassuring because the angle of the mirror didn’t allow me to see much progress. Robert reassured that her head was emerging! I took his word for it and kept trying. I remember someone commenting on how red my face was.
Chloe was born at 8:16 AM, the same time of morning I was born, down to the minute. Robert was offerred the chord to cut and with Dr. Duncan's assistance, he snipped through it and alas, she was on her own in this great big world.
I got a second wind when I saw my sweet Chloe being passed into the hands of a neonatal nurse. She was so beautiful and gorgeous and perfect. Her eyes were wide open and she was taking it all in, and didn't really cry. I the following words just pooring out of my mouth like some reflex,"hey sweetie pie, come here..." I was so amazed by the site of this beautiful, alert, healthy-looking baby.
I will never have a moment that matches the joy of her birth. It was so worth it! She looked at me with this alert gaze and I watched her gaze dance around as she was whisked away to have her lungs suctioned.
Looking back, I am very happy we did it "naturally". Funny thing was that when we asked about the drawbacks of the epidural, we were told about no real side effects, but after we delivered, we were informed that the pushing process might have been a two-three hour process. We pushed for twenty minutes and while it was tough, it was much better than waiting for contractions to cease. I was able to get a grip on the baby and push with the contraction.
I bled like crazy thereafter, and thought the placenta looked like a total alien of a thing. I didn't really rip, but I felt a cut extending towards my labia that Dr. Duncan stitched once. He said I didn't rip, and that I should be proud of myself for the "natural childbirth". I appreciated his kind words and really must say it was without a doubt, the best day of my life!
